Anyhoo, it’s a new and innovative product from our friends at LYSOL®! I couldn’t find the exact ad, but here’s a similar one for the same product:

Cool! You know, I’m as worried about germs as the next guy. I probably wash my hands 8-10 times a day! I’m downright compulsive about it! And, hey howdy, do they ever raise a good point! I never considered how many filthy, disgusting hands might be pressing down on my soap dispenser! Seriously, when do people push on a soap dispenser? Right after…..you know! And also after…EEEW! I mean…you could be getting some NASTY stuff on your hands every time you go to…wash…uh…wash your…

HEY!!!

Yep…dumbest product EVER.

                          

Saving the world one fad at a time.

Now I have nothing against these causes, let me be clear. It’s all well and good. What I wonder about is the nature of activism in America. It all seems inextricably linked with commerce. If you aren’t being basically guilted into going to a TV or corporate website to be sold their products, you’re basically just buying something for status or fun and being told that a portion goes to something. Why doesn’t a corporation just donate their product to the needy group? Nope, sorry, they have to donate one thingy they plan to donate for every widget you buy!!  Look at Lance Armstrong’s yellow bracelet fad….there was a time when it was a must-have fashion accessory, but why couldn’t the money to make those bracelets have just gone to the cause instead of only a portion? Yeah, yeah, human nature…economics, advertising, blah, blah.

What about the rallies? Are they really convincing anyone, or just making people feel like they have control. Sometimes (like with tea party rallies) I hope it’s just the latter. But then make it a big event. Get the celebrities to show up! Get the corporations to donate free widgets for the attendees! Get politicians! Get Sting to sing a song! Make signs and chant chants! But in the end, what’s been changed? You’ve rallied for the environment, and maybe got some media attention. But what if each of those 50,000 attendees just went to the EPA website and told their electric company that they only wanted to buy green energy? What if they each got 2 friends to do the same? What if those corporate sponsors switched their companies to only green energy? Or what if they invested in green tech for their corporate offices and factories? Or what if they encouraged their employees to do the same? Or if they used that cash to pay the difference in price for every employee who switched?

What if, instead of having an environmental walk/run for charity, where everyone showed up and walked/ran and drank their bottled waters and generated their trash, and had their after-party, or whatever, all those people just changed the way they lived? Maybe if they walked/ran home instead of driving to work? No, let’s drive our cars to the event where we walk in a big pointless circle to help someone. I confess, it doesn’t make much sense to me. If you want to donate to a charity, donate. If you want to help the environment, help it. What the hell does a bracelet do for anyone? What’s the point? And now social netwoirking is bringing a whole new level of conspicuous slacktivism. Today I was invited to a “1 Million Strong Against Cancer” group on Facebook. Come on…does anyone like cancer? Can you think of anything more pointless? The only thing I can think of are the “viral” status updates that say things like “change your status to this pointless glurge for a whole day to irradicate Muscular Distrophy!” In fact, allow me to present the Golden Sheep Award to those useless slacktivist pages.

Seriously, here’s a litmus test for you. Think about what you do each day, think about what the results of those things are. Now ask yourself, “if everyone did that, what would the world be like?” Is it better or worse? I find I come out pretty good on that scale when it comes to environmental, economic , and (I think) political issues. Now social health, that’s another story…..I have no clue there. Don’t look to me for advice on dealing effectively with people.

                          

But, wait. It’s not Valentine’s Day. Surely, that special day doesn’t fall for two more days. So why, I wondered, would someone deliver flowers to someone at work…two days early? Why not pick them up and deliver them personally…on VALENTINES DAY? Perhaps over an intimate dinner? Perhaps with morning coffee in bed? Why send them to work so that your spouse (or whatever) has to then carry the flowers all the way home on the subway or train? What an inconvenience!

Of course, we all know it doesn’t work that way. Valentine’s Day isn’t about a special personal love held between two people. It’s about conspicuous acts of affection and courtship meant as a display for everyone. Like holding hands in public, it is a way to announce to the world that “I got mine….and here he/she is.” All the better if that announcement can be combined with some gloating that your significant other is buying you hundred dollar bouquets, or taking you out for expensive meals at fancy restaurants. It might even be okay if he just does something very sweet and thoughtful for you….as long as you can tell the world about it on Facebook or something.

Don’t deny it….search your feelings. We all know why you really wanted those cheap-o valentines in third grade…because the one with the most got bragging rights.

                          

Recently I’ve been finding some fairly fun (read “free”) content on Hulu, and as a result have found myself subject to the whims of advertisers once more. It’s not so terribly bad, I mean, the commercials aren’t as frequent as on regular TV. They show about four 30 second commercials per show, spaced at normal intervals…and it’s often the same ad over and over. So that’s fine, but I’m finding myself studying the weird world of Madison Avenue once again. What are they saying about their viewers? Is it a reflection of societies views about itself? Are we as ugly as we portray ourselves? Or are we being manipulated?

Perhaps you’ve seen this Dodge Charger ad. It’s been rattling in my head for a bit. It’s hard for it not to, since Hulu has been showing it over and over and over and over…(and knitting…and knitting)!! I can’t help wondering what this commercial is telling us about the modern male? He’s repressed, obviously. He’s unfulfilled. He stares blankly at the camera with the look of a sedated mental patient. We learn from the voice-over, that he is hen-pecked. He does everything that his horrible Nurse Rachet of a wife tells him to do. Beneath the surface he boils with rage and resentment. He doesn’t like putting his underwear in a hamper. He longs for a fruit-free breakfast! Most of all, he wishes that his wife and his wife’s friends would accept his own friends, but alas it cannot be! No man can truly like his wife’s mother, and no woman will ever get up early to walk the dog! It is the bizarre Madison Avenue world, where men only pretend to like women so that they can be allowed to drive loud cars.

Okay, I’m not entirely without testosterone. When the car finally makes an appearance, it hits upon a primal urge to drive a super rad car with a throaty growl and a Knight Rider air of mystery. But why would I need to kiss up to my wife to be allowed to drive it? And who says I’ll only clean the sink after I shave if there’s a 250 hp performance automobile in it for me down the road? Is this ad a horrible caricature of men, or is it holding up a mirror to it’s target demographic? Worst of all, could it be shaping men’s perceptions of themselves?

                          

I do have to say, that there are certain things I miss about breakfast. Namely, the sugary breakfast cereal! I don’t recall a better childhood memory than watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl full of sugary milk, tinted pink from my Apple Jacks! Yum! But why, Mom, why…was I never allowed to get Cookie Crisp cereal?!!?! “You are not going to eat a cereal that’s nothing but miniature chocolate chip cookies, young man!” In the spirit of breakfast marketing everywhere, I present the guys from MST3k:

Yes, they are hilarious. Actually, I’ve always been impressed by this as an actual commercial. It’s quite good! Oh, and it’s even funnier if you’ve seen the movie, Wild Rebels, that they’re talking about (join us).

**Okay, so maybe I need to unpack this one a bit for people who might not “get it.” In this episode of MST3k, the cult TV show, they’re watching the film Wild Rebels, which is a cheesy 1960s-vintage biker flick. One of the evil hells angel type bikers is mute because “he got hit on the back of the head by a surfboard,” hence the “surfboard of flavor” joke from Joel. The names they reel off are members of the biker gang. Heh heh…it’s FUNNY!